"A model walks the runway during the Fashion in Motion Show at The Cellular Telecommunications and Internet Association (CTIA) trade show in Atlanta, Georgia, March 22, 2004. The show incorporates wireless Internet technology into fashion, lifestyle, health, and security applications." How could you possibly incorporate wireless technology into fashion? Unless—unless—they've found a way to make wireless underwire bras. Bluetooth, cor! Isn't technology wonderful? "Max, your underwear is ringing."
"A model wears an outfit by Ukrainian designer Oleksandr Gapchuk during a fashion show at the annual spring-summer pret-a-porter Fashion Week in Kiev late Monday, March 22, 2004." "Oleksandr Gapchuk"? This is what, the Ukranian version of The Gap? Or maybe that's where they got The Gap from in the first place?
This is what they mean by "Drop-dead Gorgeous," right?
"Models wear outfits designed by Gareth Pugh as part of his collection for Alternative Fashion Week in London, March 22, 2004." From the runways of Paris, Milan ... and La Guardia.
WTF?

Mmmm ... watermelon girls. (Don't spit out the seeds, it's impolite.)

Idea for a CBC vignette series: "Hinternet Who's Who."

Obscure, backwoods Canadian websites, celebrated with your tax dollars.

"A terrestrial day-active site, woodchucks.ca has been hibernating since the dot-com crash," etc.

Give it to Ralph Benmergui to flesh it out.

Anagrams: Rearranging the letters of "Ralph Benmergui Live" gives "a humble virgin leper," but I'm sure it's no reflection on his journalistic or social skills.

Valerie "P.I. Venereal Girl" Pringle, on the other hand....

Pringle's claim to fame in the Hall of Ignorance is of course her remark, upon hearing that John Candy had been voted one of the ten sexiest men in America by the readers of Playgirl magazine: "Does this mean that every fat guy who tells bad jokes at parties is going to be considered sexy?"

I don't know, Val—did you hosting Midday mean that every blonde Ryerson grad with a half-baked opinion is going to get her own news anchorship?

Anchorships away, Val. Don't mind the icebergs.

Valerie Pringle Midday: "I'm a vile, legendary drip."

CBC hiring policies stand revealed. ("Lesbian overacts cliche-ridden pig.") Film at eleven.

(Geoffrey David Falk: "Fed iffy, large vodka." And keep 'em coming!)

Do you want to know the truth?

Do you want to know what is The Meatrix?

Do you ever find yourself mixing up Vivica Fox and Vincente Fox?

Ooh, foxy comb-over President of the (Mexican) Republic.

Thanks to the miracle of porn-spam, I today received, in my Junk Mail folder, an offer from the sender "pink and moist."

Pink and Moist. I gotta get tickets for that show. (After all, I missed Justin and Christina's "Justified and Stripped" tour altogether.)

Under the heading, "Famous Duels of the 19th Century":

M. De Grandpre vs. M. Le Pique, 1808

Following a dispute over a female, the two agreed to a duel while floating in balloons high above Paris. Grandpre puncture Le Pique's balloon with a blunderbuss. Le Pique and his second plunged a half mile to their deaths.

If there's a lesson in all that, I suppose it must be that if you're going to have people shooting at you up in a hot air balloon somewhere over France, at least bring your parachute. Mon dieu.