Q: Why do men have nipples?

Answer, here.

Isn't science wonderful?

Book of the Day:

The Pop-Up Kama Sutra.

Of course, now I can't stop thinking about that corny, high-school pickup line: "If you sit on my lap, I'll tell you about the first thing that pops up."

No, I never used it. Sheesh!

Book of the Day:

Be Your Own Dick.

"I told them we already got one."

WASHINGTON—Batter-coated french fries are a fresh vegetable, according to the Agriculture Department, which has a federal judge's ruling to back it up.

Regulations under the law help to assure buyers of commodities such as french fries that they are getting what they ordered, said George Chartier, a spokesman for the department's Agricultural Marketing Service.

The department does not plan to repeat its experience in trying to classify ketchup as a vegetable in school lunches, Chartier said. The ketchup-as-vegetable proposal was put forward in the Reagan administration, and the department dropped the idea after it found itself not only opposed but laughed at.

Hey, if ketchup is a vegetable, then jelly beans are a legume ... right, "Nance"?

Idea for a book on parapsychology and rock music:

The Secret Life of Robert Plant.

"If there's a bustle in your hedgerow...."

The truth is out there, Scully....

Word of the day, overheard while walking to the credit union on the Ryerson campus:

"Expensiver."

Example usage: "I would have bought the new Alanis CD, but it was expensiver than I thought."

And to think of all the time I've been wasting on adjective modifiers....

Idea for a book:

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Mental Subnormality.

Also:

Crash-Testing for Dummies.

"VERNE TROYER, best known as Mini-Me in the 'Austin Powers' movies, is asking for an annulment of his marriage to his 6-foot-2-inch model bride. In fact, his attorney tells ET that Troyer disputes the marriage is valid at all, but declined to go into specifics about the case. Troyer and GENEVIEVE GALLEN were reportedly engaged last summer, but announced they had called off their wedding plans citing Troyer's cold feet. A hearing date of June 17 has been set to discuss financial disclosures. No trial date has been scheduled for the annulment proceeding." In the dark— [Panting, sexy model voice]: "Oh, I love it when you finger-fuck me." [Peeved, high-pitched male voice]: "I wasn't finger-fucking you. This is the real thing!" [Perturbed, sexy model voice]: "Well, I can never tell what you're doing down there!" [Irate, high-pitched male voice]: "What do you mean you can't tell?! It's mini-Mini-Me!!"

Oh, behave!

Albania, until the late 1990s, was the only country in the world where, by official decree, poetry was obliged to rhyme.

Aroup Chatterjee, Mother Teresa, The Final Verdict

There once was a nun from Albania....

Idea for a Kiddie-Rock festival:

Lollipopalooza.

They could give out free tickets after dental check-ups, etc.

Just finished reading Victor Hugo's amazing The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

I had previously seen the classic 1930s Charles Laughton and Maureen O'Hara film version of it. Laughton was amazing—albeit with "SCTV makeup"—but what Hollywood did to the storyline to manufacture a semi-happy ending is inexcusable. One of the world's great love stories, and they have to turn it into the beautiful girl getting the ... well, I won't spoil any of the endings for you.